The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control
So you’ve always thought of yourself as a bit of a perfectionist, but you don’t fit in the “type-A” image of one. Rejoice! This book represents more than the stereotypes. See my results to the author’s quiz below. I’m a highly relational (albeit still introverted), messy procrastinator. Feels accurate.
Schafler defines a perfectionist as anyone who sees what is and imagines what could be and notices the gap between the two. In this book she confronts the way much of modern literature encourages women to embrace their messiness and become “recovering perfectionists.” She posits that perfectionism is actually one’s greatest power and that perfectionism isn’t the problem. The problem is in the self-punishing behaviors and scripts perfectionist’s take cues from when they feel they aren’t getting it right. Rather than stuffing down one’s idealism, the author encourages readers to move from maladaptive behaviors to adaptive ones leading to a fulfilled and self-compassionate life.
There were a couple hurdles I had to overcome in reading this. 1. I felt like there was sometimes more absolute language than I would have liked “always, never, all, none;” at times this felt like an overgeneralization. 2. The entire idea that one is already perfect which is a huge baseline concept in this book was difficult to swallow, especially as a Christian. However, when I reframed this into the idea that every person is wholly loved by God, I was able to see through the philosophies that felt uncomfy to me.
Overlooking/working through those hurdles, I was able to get some key takeaways about ways to accept my own perfectionism and shift my mindset surrounding this part of who I am. This book was eye-opening. The examples were relatable. The questions were probing in a good way. Overall, I found it very helpful and may pick up a copy to keep as a resource.
