Goodbye Summer; Hello Fall
It’s the last day of September and finally the Northern California weather is giving us some relief. I took my kids swimming after school last Tuesday when it was 100 degrees and the following night was awakened by some of the loudest thunder I’d heard in my lifetime. I am hoping the moderate high 70s to low 80s lasts because last year we had a record-breaking October with 8 full days of upper 90s to 104 degrees. You didn’t misread that.
I don’t intend to minimize or discount anyone’s experience with Seasonal Affective Disorder because I have never been diagnosed, but I’ve long suspected that I suffer from bouts of it. Mine, however, seems to be the inverse of what most people describe. I remember being so angry, short-tempered throughout the summer and near-livid by October 8th of last year. My moodiness was so apparent that I wondered if SAD can be a summer condition. It can.
Apparently while other people are lamenting rainy days, snow, and overcast skies, I am just waiting for heatwaves to break so I can stop being a rage-monster.
Overall 2025 was a more moderate summer and my emotions reflected it.
Even with improved weather, I was still struggling by the end of July. The lack of rhythm, multiple family trips, church camps, and what felt like endless days of my kids at home really threw me off. My schedule was off at work and at home. My kids needed the time apart that the school day affords them so they could stop bickering (so much; to stop altogether would be too much to ask). I was ready for them to head back to the classroom, this year at the same school for a full day.
I tried to treasure those final long summer days with our family. I tried to savor the afternoons at the pool, the week in the mountains, the few days by the coast, and for the most part I succeeded. There have been so many times when I’ve been longing for a vacation, for some time off and away, but for once, I was longing for home, for stability, for predictability. Who knew?
Now that fall is officially here and we are back to our regularly scheduled routine, I almost feel that I have too much time. I just can’t win.
Last year, when my son started half-day preschool and I thought about getting a few precious hours to myself each morning, I had ambitions. I was going to get so fit. I was going to read so many books. I was going to cook gourmet meals and have a cleaning calendar. I was going to preach the best sermons and build true community with friends at church.
I built up my expectations so high that I felt like I was wasting time whenever I gave myself a minute to breathe or took a nap or made no plans. I had a constant niggling that I “should” be doing something. Shouldn’t I be doing something? And all that time, I was grieving the loss of my mom, needing to give my heart rest and care. The self-inflicted pressure wasn’t helping.
So this year, I have even longer days with my kids both at school, but I’m not pressuring myself to do or be something great. I’m working some extra hours each week. I’m rearranging bedroom furniture and purging kids’ wardrobes when I have the energy. I’m also participating in a book club/cohort going through Julia Cameron’s, The Artist’s Way (and it’s kind of kicking my butt, but more on that another time). I am taking naps to the shock of my entire family (my youngest asked if I was sick the other day). And on the weekends and evenings I’m enjoying family time; checking out books from the library for me and my six-year-old, driving to Half Moon Bay to buy pumpkins and visit with friends, and keeping Friday dates with Tyler (my husband) sacred whenever possible.
Am I sometimes spinning out about my life’s purpose and feeling pressure to do more, be more, produce more? I can honestly say I don’t know what it would feel like to be completely free of that, but I’m doing my best to give myself grace and live intentionally in this season.
I’m still waiting for the weather to get cool enough to light our gas fireplace though. Soon, I hope!
Do you find your mood changing with the seasons? How do you take each season as it comes (literally with weather or more figuratively in life)?
